Time Keeps on Slippin’
I really envy women who can “put it all out there” and discuss their personal, private and sensitive details of their lives online. There was a time when I wrote a lot more openly, but the trauma of losing a custody trial and wondering if this blog might have contributed to it are still in the forefront of my mind and I spend way too much time censoring myself. Even though all of those issues are in the past and time marches on, I will never truly forget.
However, while a part of me wishes I had that back and that I could discuss personal issues a bit more openly, I have to wonder, “Is that really a good decision?” No one is ever really anonymous online and believe me, just when you think you’re doing a good job disguising yourself, you will be slapped in the face with a huge dose of reality. I read so many blogs now and feel like I know so many people through the internet because I have read personal issues that were discussed more openly and candidly than most of my girlfriends sit and discuss over drinks or coffee. I sometimes wonder if these women are truly brave or don’t care about who knows such personal things about them. Do most people write on the internet, knowing that their child’s teacher or their Aunt Sue might be reading? If so, then I think that’s great. I wish I had that kind of confidence, I really do.
I just don’t like people knowing the intimate details of my life, and my son’s life. Not anymore. I made some mistakes and shared too much information several years ago, and while I hope it never happens to anyone else, I do understand the reality that it can. I’m not so sure other people really get that. Do we all become so secure in our lives and our relationships that we think we are untouchable? I hope that’s true for most people, but sometimes I read something written by a wife having an affair, or a mother complaining about her children, or a woman writing about how much she drank and danced on the table topless, and cross my fingers and think to myself, “Please don’t let this happen to them.”
Writing on the internet is really no different than sitting around chatting with a group of friends, but the difference is that the group of friends can multiply by 10, 100, 1000, even 10,000 so quickly, without anyone realizing it. It’s not my place to judge anyone else and their choices, and honestly, I wish I had that confidence back, that feeling of abandonment where I could freely discuss anything that popped into my head. But then, as a mother, I know the harsh consequences and would not wish what happened to me on anyone, whether I disliked them or not.
I really don’t want anyone to pull back and stop sharing their lives online, because I enjoy getting to know people and hearing about their daily lives and what’s going on with them. I just hope they’re fully informed in doing so, and never have to regret it, because unfortunately, the internet never forgets.
May 4th, 2008 at 11:32 am
There was just a really unfortunate incident on a blog I read; the topic of gay parenting came up, and someone made a comment with a link back to his blog about being a gay dad. Well, the blog - which apparently had a small but devoted readership - was suddenly overrun by people posting all kinds of negative comments about him, his choice to raise a kid, the whole bit. (Apparently many of them were from other gay people, which I think is particularly weird.) Well, he decided that he didn’t want all these badly-behaving strangers seeing a blog about him and his son, so he took it down.
Probably a good choice - but very sad. I never read his blog, but apparently it was well-written, engaging, and is now sorely missed by his readers. I hope he finds somewhere more private to share that.
I always think hard before putting anything too personal up; I just wrote my first highly personal post in a while a few days ago, and changed all the names. I just wouldn’t want someone to stumble across it and know who I was talking about in it (but my nearest and dearest will know exactly what it’s about, and hopefully I’ve written something that others can relate to).
It’s always a tough call, though. And people forget just how public all this is.
May 5th, 2008 at 9:37 am
Thank you for this reminder. I wonder about this often, specially lately. I’m just becoming more aware, I hope.
May 5th, 2008 at 11:25 am
Trish, when I first started “blogging” I didn’t even know that’s what I was doing. Where I “met” you, I just thought I was giving my opinion. Now that I’ve got my own blog, I have to be very careful. My dad and very close people to me read it so I don’t want to embarrass anyone or “out” anyone for things they may not want me to write about. It’s very hard I must say. It’s a lot harder to be really honest than it was just being “invisible” on a group blog even though I was telling the truth. Nobody that I actually knew, went to that blog.
I remember you telling how everyone found out about your blog and what you had to go through so, through you, I learned that lesson before it was an issue for me. Thanks for sharing what you did because you taught others through your own experience.