Is this what we call progress?
This post contains ugly language, but what I am writing about is an ugly subject. I only censored “the N word” to keep it from being googled.
I’ve been watching some of the nasty politics unfold over the past week and have not been able to find the words to talk about how much it has affected me. As a blonde haired, green eyed Irish girl from southeast Texas, I have experienced very little racism in my life. That is, until I decided to get involved with a black man and good golly, I even had a kid. Can you imagine? What in the world was I thinking? /sarcasm
I have been called a lot of names and I have seen a really ugly side of people. When I told my parents that I was pregnant, the only thing my mother could comment on was the fact that I was having a black child. Even now, 16 years later, it’s difficult for me to write about or discuss with anyone. My son was born with respiratory distress and was in the neonatal intensive care unit for three weeks. He received three blood transfusions, two lung treatments to help develop his lungs, and had several tubes hooked up to his entire body. One of my family members came into the nursery to see him, and while he was in the crib struggling to breathe, this person placed their arm against my baby to compare their skin color against his. That was how important it was to see the skin color of my child, struggling to breathe, struggling to survive.
So now, with a 15-year-old teenager, I can say that I guess I have experienced racism, even in my own family. My son has even commented to me that he feels a little different because his cousins are so much lighter than he is, and he is different than everyone else. And even though he has expressed his pride recently in being biracial, he has also experienced a lot of negativity as well.
Race seems to be a huge focus lately in this presidential election. In the beginning, it was positive, and people were celebrating the value of witnessing this historical campaign. However, it seems like fear has taken over, and now there is a serious possibility that Barack Obama might actually get the nomination and could possibly be elected President. I have this movie running in my head of all these people making phone calls and rousting up the racists and putting on their hoods to keep the black man from succeeding.
Last week, my son experienced a very ugly side of people that I hoped didn’t exist anymore. In the past, he has had anger issues for various reasons and had serious issues in school during my custody trial. He told me there was a discussion about the election in school, and a few boys in class were saying Obama cannot be president because he is too dumb, because everyone knows that a black man is too dumb to run the country. My son responded that Obama was actually biracial and probably just as white as the rest of us. As they were leaving class, the boy told my son, “Obama is a yellow n*gger, like you.”
Kyle told me how much that upset him, and that he felt his anger issues returning. Well hell, I felt my own anger issues brewing out of control! I told him I was going to call the principal to deal with this before it exploded out of control and he asked me not to do so. He promised me he would not fight. I told Kyle if it happens again, to go to the office and tell the principal so that if there is a fight, the principal is aware of what is happening.
Another discussion about the election occurred in the classroom, and Kyle told me several kids were obviously repeating things they had heard from their parents. “Obama is going to ruin this country,” or “Obama is a terrorist in disguise,” and the worst of all: “Sand n*gger, yellow n*gger, what’s the difference? A n*gger is a n*gger.”
This time, several other kids heard the statements and there was a fight. Ten black boys beat up five white boys. Kyle was not involved, but how can I blame him if he had?
I really don’t have the words to adequately express how I’m feeling about this situation, other than disgust, sadness and frustration. I really thought we had come so far, and accomplished so much, even in Texas, when I saw Obama win my local caucus in my small redneck town. The media coverage and focus on these racist issues has gotten out of control. I’m convinced of this, because why would middle school kids behave this way without being taught these attitudes by adults?
Personally, after some of the ugliness I’ve seen in my past, in the media recently, and watching what my son is experiencing, I am starting to feel Rev. Wright a little, and say “God Damn America” myself. Or at least, Goddamn these horrible, ugly racists who call themselves proud and patriotic Americans.
Fear, combined with ignorance, is a very scary thing.
Our revenge, if any? Bitch may be the new black, but black is the new president, bitch!
March 16th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
I’m proud of you for blogging this. And I think you have every right to be mad as hell.
If nothing else, know you are NOT alone and your son is NOT alone.
Senator Obama’s candidacy is teaching this country many lessons and the learning curve is much bigger than we’d like to admit.
Hugs and love and really-you and your son are rock stars. Don’t forget it.
March 16th, 2008 at 4:34 pm
“Disgust, sadness and frustration” about covers it, but I read one more thing in there, too: hope. I know that word’s been bandied about endlessly, and it’s almost become a pejorative now, but when I read how Kyle responded, I thought, There’s hope, too, because of boys like Kyle (being raised by moms like you). Yes, these kids are hearing ignorant things from their parents, and I won’t downplay the heartbreaking formative influence of that; it’s real. But it’s also real that those kids go to school every day with kids like Kyle — nice, smart, funny, tough, bratty, cool, whatever, but full, complicated people who can’t be reduced to stereotypes and epithets. And that sinks in, too. Let’s hope love wins out over fear.
All that said, I’m v. sorry for the color-conscious behavior of some of the family. Kyle and you needed all the support you could get in the beginning. It’s hard to fathom anything else could have been important.
What I think is so jumbled up (because I get so angry and despairing, too), but it is clear as day that Kyle won the mom lottery!
March 16th, 2008 at 4:36 pm
Speaking as one who marched with Golden Frinks (a field secretary for the Southern
Christian Leadership Conference in North Carolina), Ben Chavis others during the period when such action could get you killed, well-said.
March 16th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
Directed this way by QOS.
As a person born & raised in the south, I know these kids of comments are all to common. I also know that they are unacceptable.
“Fear, combined with ignorance, is a very scary thing.”
Yes mam it is. And, hopefully, Senator Obama’s presence will be enlightening to a generation that is teetering on the see-saw of racism.
March 16th, 2008 at 4:44 pm
Wow…you never know how much you share in common with someone until they decide to share. Racism is an issue too complex to adequately address in this small comment box, but I do want you to know that i enjoyed this post and will return to see how you and your son continue to deal with the country’s bigotry.
March 16th, 2008 at 4:55 pm
Your son sounds like a kind and amazingly strong young man. It’s ridiculous that he has to deal with such prevalent and outrageous racism. Here’s to hoping we as a nation can one day rise above it.
March 16th, 2008 at 5:00 pm
I got linked to this blog because I saw it on Twitter. I live in Europe, learned something about the segregation business and was so surprised to hear this ‘Apartheid’ was normal a few decades ago in a ‘civilized’ country like the US. I felt it was hypocrite to be so against ‘Apartheid’ in South Africa with such a history.
I know racism is from all times and places, but this story is mind boggling to me, living in a country where people from the Dutch Antilles, Suriname, Indonesia walk around, because those were our former colonies. I never noticed anything racist. The only issues that evolve here have to do with the difference between moslim and non-moslim (Arabs vs. the rest) but nothing like the racism you describe.
Trying to pick up the jaw that just dropped to the floor.
I will never take American moralising about other countries racism seriously again, I promise.
March 16th, 2008 at 5:17 pm
This post turned my stomach. In this day and age it’s truly amazing that this would go on. Especially with the up-coming election. You’d think that somehow, someway people would behave differently and not revert to indecent racial-slurs as horrible as the ones mentioned. Thank goodness for parents like yourself; we can only hope for more “teachers” to help wipe away such ignorance in the schools, as well as in life…
Thanks for sharing.
March 16th, 2008 at 5:50 pm
Stumbled by thanks to Twitter, and I must say, as horrible as it is, you’re exactly right. I’ve taught in inner-city Philadelphia, and now (currently) Central PA, and the only time racism comes up is when it’s instigated by an adult. Whether it be on the news, something about the election, or someone’s “slip-of-the-tongue” out in public, children don’t see other children this way unless we give them a reason to.
Thanks for posting this.
March 16th, 2008 at 5:51 pm
I’m so sorry your son had to experience that. I like to think that racism is dying out because my elementary students are mostly so good and accepting of each other; they actually don’t make a big deal about color at all. And then I read something like this. I sincerely hope Obabma wins (I’m voting for him) - maybe it will help the country in many ways.
March 16th, 2008 at 6:16 pm
[…] Lone Sophist: Is this what we call progress? […]
March 16th, 2008 at 10:45 pm
I wish you and you son the best.
March 17th, 2008 at 12:35 am
Thank you for writing about something so dark, ugly and real. Nothing I could write would come as near to the truth as this.
I do believe we can overcome it. It’s worth remembering what Barack Obama said just this weekend –
“I just want to say to everybody here that as somebody who was born into a diverse family, as somebody who has little pieces of America all in me, I will not allow us to lose this moment, where we cannot forget about our past and not ignore the very real forces of racial inequality and gender inequality and the other things that divide us.”
March 17th, 2008 at 12:58 am
[…] (Lone Sophist) writes about the never-ending ignorance of idiot racist white folks. Just read it, it’s too heartbreaking to even quote […]
March 17th, 2008 at 1:51 am
I completely agree with you and especially admire your eloquence in communicating your frustration with this matter.
I have recently realized that there is simply no other way to change people other than to treat them with respect and teach through example - regardless of what they stand for - and understanding that they will eventually know, whether they admit it or not, be it in life or in death, how wrong they were/are to be a sustainer of what has always been the disease that infects this otherwise marvelous world……racism.
March 31st, 2008 at 8:21 am
That is terrible. I feel so sad that your son, like mine, has experienced this. Thank you for sharing what happened.
August 24th, 2008 at 6:53 pm
I would like to say that i love your blog lonesophist.com a lot
now.. back on topic haha
I cant say that i agree with what you wrote… care to clear things up for me?
August 25th, 2008 at 2:23 am
First off let me say that i really like your site lonesophist.com a lot
now.. back to the post haha
I cant say that fully agree with what you wrote… care to explain more?
September 11th, 2008 at 10:24 pm
Trish: I cannot speak for anyone else, but to me, I already knew you were / aren’t one of ‘those White People’ referred to in that post. Generalizations are extremely dangerous and I hope I didn’t offend you in any way.
That said… Thank you, for this piece. For opening up and sharing your story, as well as your thoughts. I found myself nodding my heading in agreement, my heart breaking, and I could never ever begin to imagine all that you and your son have been through and still going through. But what I CAN say, is, you are one absolutely amazing individual and I’m so glad to have crossed paths with you.
I really hope we can one day meet in person. I would also love to meet your son, as well.
Thanks again for sharing this.
Mona
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